Ongoing Conflict
Frequent or unresolved parental conflict can affect the emotional security of the whole family, particularly children who are sensitive to ongoing tension, even when it is not openly shown.
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Ongoing Conflict
Repeated unresolved arguments can be draining in any relationship.
Common reasons why arguments become destructive and unresolved:
- A person wanting to ‘win’ the argument and shut it down
- Lack of empathy
- Disrespect or unclear boundaries
Conflict sometimes starts small, but can escalate with things like stress or money worries. It’s normal to have conflict in relationships, but it’s how we handle it that matters. Poor communication and stress can intensify arguments. Recognising different perspectives helps us respond thoughtfully and build healthier relationships.
Communication styles
The following video let’s us look at some research into how destructive communication can have a detrimental impact on our relationship:
Gaining insight and reflecting
Disagreements and conflict are a natural part of every relationship. What matters is how disagreements and conflict are handled and resolved. Children are deeply affected by conflict between parents. Unresolved tension can leave them feeling confused, anxious, or even responsible. As part of self reflection and gaining insight you may want to try the Relate’s Argument Quiz. This is a simple yet powerful tool to reflect on your communication and discover new ways to grow together: The arguments quiz | Relate
Let Time Pass
Taking a break during conflict is a healthy way to protect your relationship. It gives both people space to take a breath, calm down and think clearly. You can call a time-out even if the other person isn’t ready. Use “I” statements instead of blaming language like “You…”
For example:
“I need a bit of time to calm down. Let’s take an hour and talk again.”
Important:
Agree on a specific time to return to the conversation, ideally within 24 hours.
Building Stronger Relationships
Sharing feelings and listening to your co-parent builds a respectful relationship. Bottling things up causes tension, but calm conversations create connection, whether you live together or apart.
Tips for open communication:
- Talk when emotions are calm.
- If you snap, take a break and return with an apology.
- Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blame.
- Suggest solutions: “How about I cook and you do bathtime?”
- Listen carefully and reflect before responding.
Focus On The Positives
When your relationship feels difficult, it can be easy to forget to notice and talk about the good things.
- When your partner does something you like … tell them – ‘I love the way you do ‘voices’ when you read the children stories … they have a lovely time with you’.
- Make sure you notice when they are trying their best.
- Even something as simple as saying please and thank you can get forgotten
when we are tired and stressed by day to day life.
Opening Up: Talking About the Tough Stuff
Some topics are hard to bring up but it’s important to do so. Hidden issues can build tension, but they often reflect real needs. Speaking calmly, listening with care, and focusing on solutions helps ease conflict and build trust. Open, respectful conversations strengthen connection and help both parents feel heard. Every conversation is a chance to grow closer and create a more loving, understanding home.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are bridges to healthier relationships. Boundaries protect your needs, and create space for mutual care. They remind us our voice matters, our feelings are valid, and our wellbeing is essential. When you set a boundary, you’re affirming: “I matter.”
Boundaries act as a safeguard against manipulation, control, and emotional harm. They create a space where you can be yourself, free to express, free to feel, and free to be treated with respect.
Saying “no,” stepping away from toxic patterns, or asking for respect are powerful acts of self-care. You deserve relationships that support you. Boundaries help you thrive and teach your children self-worth and emotional safety.
Building a Support System
Healing from toxic dynamics takes strength, and support. Surround yourself with people who uplift you:
- Lean on Trusted Friends and Family
They offer emotional support, practical help, and a safe space to be yourself. - Seek Professional Guidance
Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone outside your circle of friends and family. If you’re finding things difficult, consider reaching out to your local Family Hub or an Early Help Service, such as your child’s school, a health professional, or a voluntary organisation. These services offer a safe, supportive space to talk things through and get the help you need. - Connect with Others Who Understand
Support groups, online or in person, can be a lifeline. Sharing your story and hearing others can inspire resilience and remind you: you’re not alone.